The fury of anger I felt when you went "away"
that status I did not appreciate you turning your back on me in your never ending hatred of Z. I wonder what the hell were doing, why this inferno inside me is still brewing, why instead of homework im renewing the lines that you typed too vividly in my mind so cold they stopped time until the day after tomorrow...
so hollow, i see your true soul my heart unfolds the aches and pains and deadly things ive already attempted I'm already demented why push my insanity further???
When the only thing I want to do is set this bitch on fire, my desire? WAS you. But a phonecall in the day just to say whatup followed by a I'll try back later and a hmm.. let me say good night means im light then you hold no weight as a nigga worth my date. my tears come out blue, they use to run red but that ruby chick fell dead in her attempts to fall in love with someone who fell in hate for her. I wonder.
as I imagine myself throwing every monitor ripping every rubber cord with my bare hands in this computer lab knocking every bookcase over to burry my nausiated feelings of inflatuation with someone who fell in hatred of me. His steady hatred for Z... I dont understand. Maybe I have to be a man to know what its like to want to spend the rest of your life with someone yet never call, to comprehend what its like the get a phone call while you ball to fabricate feelings of undigested emotion and regertitate them because they werent allowed time to cook, I call that love poisioning.. it was a recipe in your cookbook.
simultanously.. as tears cover my face bloodshot eyes disgrace the cheeks that once smiled when i heard his name the hips that switched as he watched my frame the corney things id say he'd tell me were lame or the reason i stay in interest of fame (nigga please ill have my own) i cant contain these feelings of hatred directed at me i cant mirror these images of death reflected at Z and if i could id show him so he could see, the sucicidal mess he created of me.
and when we came to an agreement that he would call more and reiterate every now and then how much he does adore and last for a while when i would let him score and break for a few before i asked for more and the path of greatness.. it took a detour so im not so sure why were together anymore...
so after advice and trying twice to be nice and couragegous about it knowing he'd push me away further deliberating our relationship murder and yet ive been an acompliss this whole time. for every athlete theirs a dyme maybe some quater pieces too but you know what i say.. do whatchu do because when fame and youth and health go away and you cant wipe your ass anymore so someone else you pay they slide food under your door on a plastic tray and three little words are all you live to say.. i woulda been the one say them.
but fuck it he told me thats what happens when you date an athlete...
and athletes are incapable of love.
