CALLING ALL POETS!!!

I'M HUNGRY FOR AN AUDIENCE AND THIRSTY FOR SOMEONE WITH AN ORIGINAL STYLE...

I'D LIKE TO INHALE SOME CONCEPTS WORTH WHILE
DIGEST STANZAS RAW
RAW OFF THE DOME..
DIGEST WHAT YOUR INTESTINE VOMITED FOR SO LONG.

I HAVE A HEALTHY APPETITE TONIGHT!!!!

A TASTE FOR G'S & GOONS WHO LYRICALLY
FEED MY MOUTH WITH A SILVER SPOON.
MY THROAT IS ANXIOUS FOR SEASONINGS OF CULTURE AND DIVERSITY...
MY STOMACH IN KNOTS, YOU GOT A CRAVIN FOR ME
SO LICK ME WELL
AND TASTE ALL MY THOUGHTS
UNTIL YOUR STUFFED WITH THE ITIS.

IF YOU THINK YOU'RE READY TO TRY THIS,
GET YOUR NAPKIN AND UNBUCKLE YOUR PANTS WIDE

I WANT YOU FULL NOT SATISFIED...
CAN UR CULINARY SKILLS PROVIDE?
I'M CALLING ALL POETS.

Warm never been so cold

So warm milky skin dipped in golden rays
went valley's deep in the ocean bay
simplicity was never good enough
simplicity was never hood enough
for a no bullshyt no need to bluff type of dude
smile like honey due
in the spring time
taste like snow's first fall sweet like desert wine
time was so timeless incapable of touching us
cuz each touch was a timeless touch of love
and each love was a time where hours felt like days
and warm milky skin was soaked in golden rays
but warm never been so cold.

so hold the king down while his thrown sits high
full body massages greased in oil by angelic fingertips
never quite knew a love could feel like this
lips didnt miss
a cell on his skin so rich
hips never missed an opportunity to spin or dips
never worried about what not to spend
lost in a world not of my own, expressed line
my twenty items or less twenty prayers he'd be forever blessed
cuz the warm milky skin dipped in golden rays
alleviated the clouds from my days
but warm never been so cold

dressed up like a barbie in a reality of plastic
ate cotton candy dreams he painted with lollipops
amazed by her open-mind, legs wider
never quite denied the right inside her
so the king sat on his thrown amazed in entertainment
gullible flower blown in the wind
just a dandelion crushed again
so wish a wish on her crown
while the milky way rains down
upon her dome
lost in a borough not of her home
and chocolate lakes so deep
oceans were jealous.
so wish a wish on her crown
before for the king she bows down
to every wish and every command
for the milky skin dipped in golden rays
never thought the sky would see the end of the sun
the brightest star from heaven hung
with blood seeking love
but warm never been so cold.

so what was boiling hot and sizzling in my dreams
cooled to warm and relaxing like Noxzema cream
burned a little but tingled with excitement
until that night when
that milky skin dipped in golden rays
destroyed the sun for a moon.....

destroyed the sun for a moon.....

destroyed the sun for a moon...

and warm never been so cold.

My soul has a G spot..

You looked at me, and instantly recognized my sex appeal
Made some sexy conversation, and decided I was for real
The freak was unleashed and the wetness went wild
And all you can recognize is this sexy smile
But I'm here to inform you, if you have not realized..
that there is a deeper part of me, that ur body can't reach inside.

Stimulating pressure, where it is most likely needed..
will not help in THIS type of orgasmic fit
blowing in my ear with a chilled iced cube
cannot unleash this desire yet to be defused
There is a part of me not tangible to ur DICK
And Im letting u know, if u cant reach - it'll make me sick

I'm waiting to exhale, and climax real soon
Stimulate my intellect, let me know ur not a buffoon.
Keep me interested and my heart compelled
stories of your past, future and present __ please do tell
Ignite my flame with words not visible by my horizon
take me on another level, with communications like verizon
Kiss me so long that you take my breath away
write me poems that I'll read day after day
Caress my soul with the sweet scent of flowers bloomed in the summer's june
Let me know that our relationship wont fade away too soon
Keep me in your arms, by looking deeply into my eyes
starlight at the planetarium is romantic my heart will realize
Follow me down the long rivers of diverse love
Take my soul with you to the heavens above.
Off the cliff we'll fall and land into the sun
Wait this might be an orgasm..
DAMN HERE IT COMES..

Let me swim in the seas of romance with diamonds embracing my body
Let me be the royalty, what I say goes, you say "all righty"
Let me kiss what lies beneath while exploring the pyramids of Egypt
I feel like im coming close.. this might be it..

Let the roses embrace my soul until my mind, body, and spirit become aligned as one..
Let our conversation be the wall's only source of fun
Let my lips part the words "Wow" as my brain sensors intelligence
Let an opionion be different then mine, a conversation with substance
Let your words of intellect work my panties off
CUZ if you cant, ima just tell you to FUCK OFF

Damn there it went, I just wanted to let you know
my soul has a G spot, and so...
The planet earth can not escape the solar system as we cant escape our galaxy
And i hope your big enough to reach deep inside of me
because its not something that can be easily understood or grasped
It takes time and patience to make that kind of orgasm last.
So please if I'm worth it, and I know that you know I am
I'll stimulate ur mind and we can start again..
Baby I'm sorry its who i am, and i cant deny it
My soul has a G spot.. learn to OBLIGE it.

Teenage Pregnancy.. one of my favorites!!!

So many times do i see
Young girls the same age as me
And a stream of tears fallen from their eyes
Their dreams and hopes have just died
Cuz shes pregnant with a baby inside

School and education can no longer be grasped
but simple satisfaction when she gave it up fast
he said he loves her and she thought it'd last
but he left her. she is not being called from class

She's seven months pregnant
just got kicked out of school
They don't want her there, shes a distraction to the
rules
Her body is getting wider, her companionship getting
narrow
all the friends she had, wont be there tomorrow

she runs through the streets
no money for an abortion
her stomach is hurting
reality is out of proportion
cant go back home, mama not raising no babies
her water breaks, "he was cute but this is crazy!"

A crying voice is weeping from the back of an alley
Ten little toes and ten little fingers sleep soundly
the little brown face so beautiful does she see
she throws over the dumpster
she wishes to be free

mama is sick again

Mama's state of mind…..

Mama is sick again
I hope she'll be alright
I wish she had some friends I can stay with for the night
If only she got along with someone
Maybe she could let go
From all the pain and sorrow
Her heart unfortunately knows

Mama is sick again…
it's the second time this month
She had another seizure
I used my asthma pump
I tried to be strong
She hates when I cry in front of her
My heart is saturated
I hope they find a cure

Mama is sick again…
I hope they catch it this time
Cuz we just had an argument
Everyone says she'll be fine
But mama aint so sure..
She said death'll come a knockin
And I aint so sure..
Cuz the heart monitor just started stopping

Mama is sick again…
they kicked me out of her room
told me to go to sleep now
It wasn't that serious, just the flu
But mama hasn't come out yet
and im getting kind of scarred
Mama is sick again..

Don't she know I need her here?

W H E N

When did I become this person that can trust anyone?
When did your presence mean so much to me?
When did lies and deciet justifiy means for staying?
When did not seeing you justify for means of praying?

When did my heart drop in need of a sprain?
When did I decide I deserved this pain?
When did you realize that I should have let go?
When did you decide to make me say no?


When did what I want stop mattering?
You not all that great anyways...
So why cant I stop thinking about you?
AND the HURTFUL things you do?
Breaking the rules like a constant cycle of madness

When is enough enough and too much..
the end?
My heartache and fears my ending and begin.
So much time to decend..
This heart ache that you wish not comprehend.

Resurrection

You dumb bitch..
What the fuck did you do? She was dead.. now this is KILLING SUSAN II! I told you she couldnt feel pain.. understand what lies ment. Wanting the satisfaction of something that he twisted and bent. All she could hear is the suprises; waiting for some magestic sign that love is really there. What you mean to tell me its not in the air? Or let me guess.. it aint in there for you.. Instead of oxygen, you breathin in CO2. Instead of listening, your mouth is constantly runnin. And instead of catching it, your dumb ass is fumblin. Why cant you realize the madness you burry yourself if in. A paycheck a dollar a day and some When will it begin. He intecepted the ball. And susan had a touch down, ONE for the kick and he put it in her mouth. Her death? I must not ask you this. It wasnt complete. Ten yards, thast a MISS! You resurected her.. YOU FUCKING DUMB BITCH. You wanted a miracle but you aint a giant. You wanted a hero but he's not compliant. you wanted a sholder, but Susan's defiant. Have I loss you in all of my termonlogy and things? My point is dont take in whatever life brings. When you kill something let it lie in its earth. The dirt is there for a reason because of its worth. And if you let the wind blow the way that it will, your heart wont be the empty vessel because it will be filled. so SUSAN i commend you for being so damn persistant. Ive raped you all the while you were distant.

Dont they know?

Don't they know how much I need you?
Yet they wish us to be apart..
Me without you my expression is see-thru..
Marking death in my heart to start.
Dont they see what my life would be like
The world without any sunlight.
The night with a lonely moon
Yet no star to shine bright

Cant they see the blood in my vains?
It cant exist without you..
Baby why dont they understand..
They have turned my heart black-blue
Cant they see the sadness..
my transparent face displays...
To touch kiss or hold u
id trade in all my days

Dont they know my dreams torment me
With you whispering in my ear throughout the night
Saying how much u still love me
only for me to wake up without you in sight
Looking at ur symbols of unconditional love
I pray this semester in with speed
Cuz a world without my baby near..
is a world that needs to seize

And because my love for u
I wont do anything rash
but if it would make them know what we know
Id do it all too fast
They should see the way u look at me
With our future in your eyes
They should see the way you hold me
understand their deceptions and their lies
They should see the way you kiss me
so passionately in the rain
Baby your my umbrella..
and Ive been going insane.

Dont they know how you squeeze me?
with a fire warmer than hell!
Dont they see what you mean to me
They act like they cant tell
Why cant they understand what is obvious?
Are their eyes shut that tight
Cant they see how I cry for u to hold me
And wake up in the middle of the night

I know we've argued and had our differences
all couples argue you say
And id wait until the moon raised in the morning
And the sun set in the day.
Dont they know Id go to hell and back for you
and do it again and again
cuz life without you is hell right now
keeping away my best friend
How do i walk without a skeleton?
How am I strong with no back bone?
Am i immortal or emotional?
Dont they know this is wrong!

They want me to give in to their conditions
Their confinement of unhappiness
I say fuck them and their conditions
throw me to jail id do it again
Dont they know who i am?
Ms.Williams hard headed and conserved..
ill be Mrs.Scarlett one day..
invite them to the wedding jus to get on their nerves

Dont they know your determination?
It wont keep you away
Our love is too strong for this baby
They cant understand for what we pray.

Love= Experimental Design.. from a psych major

Introduction...

Freud said in order to accomplish genital stage we have to have to accomplish love and work. Damn he da Grandfather of Psych but that's bizerk. Its an experimental design, designed to hurt, like cutting a lemon open and your eye catchin a squirt.

The Participants
Random male handsome and confident. Focused on his id, lacking a superego all together. Damn! He gets the placebo for love. So whats the outcome? Of course what you would expect.. No changes. I found my hypothesis

The female is sure of herself, sexy, beautiful, intelligent and confident. Her defense mechanism of choice is sublimation.. yup that's how positive she is. Except for when she met denial.. oh and him.

Controlled Variables of choice:
The games he plays including but not limited to lies, deceit, manipulation, physical_mental_sexual abuse.
AGE.. (the same).. Setting..(college campus) ...hoes(who don't give a fuck)

IV* His manipulation ~DV*Her feelings and emotions being toyed

Procedure:
Male impresses girl and keeps her interested although she is apprehensive at first. She takes this substance L-O-V-E three times a day with food daily. He takes the placebo. In addition to her developing side affects of infatuation, loss of concentration, blushing when he comes near, speaking about him to her friends, oh and giving all of her energy (physical, mental, sexual, etc) that she can spare to him. He feels the affect of the placebo. In addition, he is a confederate to two other girls as well; however, he shares most of his time with girl A, and the other two play as the sidekick. After four months of L-O-V-E, the dosage is decreased to only once to twice a week. Some weeks more than others He says that he wants to marry her, buys her a ring while still under the placebo.. Eventually girl finds out that he has been cheating the whole duration of their relationship, it only takes her six months.

.. Girl changes significantly.
He enjoys cheating on her.

Results: The IV has affected the DV. The substance L-O-V-E has harmed the girl who was once intelligent, beautiful, loving, sexy and confident to a diamond turned to coal.

And I call that the experimental design

superego vs id.. who wins? ona role with this psych bit lol..

super ego vs id.. who wins?

the problem is im thinking about sins
keeping myself happy but hurting you then
we’d go down in a couple of minutes from now if i did
its been going on weeks wanna listen to my id!

Superego telling me no dont let it go
Your friends will be disapointed.. but my body’s saying so?
His heart will be broken, id saying dont let him kno..
Superego said. nope thats low..
he wouldnt do that to you so stop bein a ho

We been friends for a minute.. but lovers for a second now
Its 11:39 whose number do I dial?
Its a shame cuz cheatin never been my style
He always said I was worth wifen.. that i should have his chile..
but he aint here and wont be anytime soon..
and in anotha sec ill be in dude’s room

He hitting me up now shyt what it do?
Do i get ready for sex and go to dude?
Do I hold it out give love a shot?
It might be great but then it might not
Super ego wants to win over the id..
but still, i gotta weak spot for da kid.

if it wasnt necessary then it was worthless
and if it wasnt 8 inches it aint have a purpose
but if i wasn’t true, baby just know this
id rather it be your lips tonight that i kiss

Time will tell

I want to get rid of the thoughts of you
Finally got my stuff back throught I was through
Looking out my window you have me feeling blue
Cuz I cant seem to get my mind off of you
No matter whom Im with or what we do
Reality hits me, that it isnt you.

I often think about my destructive ways
Never falling in love again for all of my days
Cuz you were the one my heart chose to stay
Love wasnt there, it left astray.

Im not sure if it was six months of truth or six months of lies
Its ashame what I’m doing to all these guys
My heart turned black cuz its bruised blue
laying next to people and still dreaming of you

For all the hurt and pain I should be through
I didnt understand what love could do
Nothing has changed and it never will
So why do i wish we were lovers still?
I wonder if to protect me you would still kill

and i think about it every night and day
wishing all these tears would just go away
Im hoping that the memories will fade away
Cuz you once promised you were here to stay
If not for tomorrow, maybe another day

i had something great

where im from things dont come easy less you want it real bad
theres a consequence for that and you wont feel glad
to have stolen what doesnt belong to you
and although I dont, some people do

I stole what didnt belong to me once
throw a cap on me that says dunce
little did I know it wasnt up for sale yet
he was shaniqua nurse’s, she was all set

And later when someone else said it i thought it wasnt true
that he wouldnt have lied to me too
To many girls saying the same things
Till I became wifey, I didnt know the heartache he brings

I can only imagine what Shaniqua went through
after two years, I only saw what six months do
Living an illusion in and out of time
I honestly thought he was really all mine
Till his little secret escaped..
Its ashame cuz i thought i had something great

guess i thought wrong

I saw you today
you didnt see me
I cried today
you aint miss me
My heart dropped
when you killed me once again
you dont talk to me anymore
thought we were friends
hmm..

i check ya facebook

i saw your profile on facebook
you always have a smile
i wonder about you
at work looking at your file
checking your banner..
yup i know that too
stalker status i know
but its the only way im close to you
Maybe it is pathetic
wish it wasnt the truth
I need closher but
im thinking about you
I see parts of you,
no matter where I go
I did some grimey shyt to you
and it didnt fuck up our flow
then one day you flipped the script
and was like bitch no
you still talk to homechick
that you wasnt going to leave me for
It still breaks my heart
You dont need me anymore
Denial says I dont need you neitha

ode to punani lmao (this one is for the girls)

ode to punani lmao (this one is for the girls)

Ode to punani.. punani to the world
We was sittin at clinton, this one’s for the girls
Its shape is so lovely.. so fat are dem lips
and deeper you must go.. by grabin those hips!
throw the legs up then spread em out wide
cuz if your small.. punani cant feel you inside
its so warm and tight..
tryna go for a swim?
buddy keep tryin.. cuz u not gettin in
Sometimes it hairy.. sometimes its clean shaved
but either way its cool as long as its been bathed
If you keep it active
it’ll be nice to you
when you eat it remember
YOUR NOT AT THE ZOO!!
stroke it real gently then speed it up a bit
till you reach the gspot, dont you think about quit!
vibrators, dildos, dicks in general
dont really matter as long as its beneficial
sometimes its angry
when its that time of the month
dont take it personal
when the mouth gets real blunt
and if he dont act right take the punani away
cuz if the punani is good. he’ll be back the next day
ode to punani.. punani to the world
Laughing My Ass off.. cuz this one is for the girls

the best gift from God known to man lmao

back again...

if there was ever a time i wish i wasnt alive...
what a night from one bed to da next and back again..
still wishing it was you i was next too
but you cant understand
still wishing it was your lips i was kissing
your face snuggled next to mine
your heartbeat i was hearing
Your hands that were squeezing me
hmm you were my dream baby
except you couldnt be faithful
except you couldnt be faithful
I thought you were my dream baby
but you couldnt be faithful
and now i dream of you baby
wishing you could be faithful
cuz your still my dream baby

but you dont even care
cuz you’ve found your dream lady
and i dont even care...
still wishing you here baby
except you couldnt be faithful
so much trouble getting over you
feels like I will never get through
cuz you are my dream baby

except you couldnt be faithful

is it just me?

Has anyone else noticed that I’m not over him? Am i the only one who feels my heart drop to my stomach whenever I see him? Is it only my eyes that know his presenece as soon as he hits the scence? Is it only my heart that quivers at the memories so scerene. Does anyone else hear the voices in my head? Does anyone else taste my tears cuz our relationship is dead? Can anyone tell my stalker status checking him up on facebook. Remembering when I was number one on his top, now I cant get a second look. He put me on to Plattsburgh, gave me a reason to come here. And after six months, he gave me a reason to breathe fear. So why do I miss him? Why does it hurt so badly? Its like a deep wound never ending never healings constantly dripping the blood of sorrow. Each night dreaming of him near, fearing I’ll see him tomorrow. And when I do all I can do is put my head down. Because after what he did to me I wouldnt give him the satisfaction of seeing me frown. And still.. I miss him terribly. And the numerous numbers arent helping.. (I dont have the converstaions that we use to share)The numerous sex sessions (although great) still, arent helping.. (yours became the perfect fit, size, shape, length, width, and you put it down like no one else has before) and while my heart is yelling and screaming aloud why cant he be there.. my head is using deductive reasoning attempting to mask my true feelings. "Quiet" it says, "it is too late, he was cheating on you the WHOLE TIME, it wasnt something great". and my heart is dying because he isnt near. starting planning my funeral please. Cuz whenever I see his face, I feel weak in my knees. Has anyone else noticed? Masking all I will, my transparent face still holds looks to kill. And everytime I see him i think of our memories. He was my baby, my love my everything. But thats my fault. So this lesson learned... dont ever give your heart to anyone.

lost love the original & response

lost love by Rufus

When you look into my heart what do you see
the trust and love that you gave to me
Before i met you i was considered a p.i.m.p
but i burned my card to be with my future wifey
you got the key to my heart, it can open and close
but baby around you keep it open so my love always shows
In the future and present i think about where we will be
both having a nice job,nice house and you having my baby with me
Im sorry i get mad over nothing
i know you loving me unconditional is something
Im going to stop my ways and doing what im doing
For my baby i have thanking God for after 6 months of pursuing
im not going to argue and im going to fight
i wanna be the best man that you had in your life
im scared im going to lose you with anger
over someone i consider a stranger.

lost love the response (by me of course)

When i first looked into your heart what did i see?
The trust and the love that you gave to me
and now it seems that nothing we do is right..
because every " I LOVE YOU " ends in a fight..
and its been six months of me pushing along..
this bond that we had, i thought it was strong..
but now i see something i never saw before
its that "stranger" that you really do adore.
We shared the same dreams once upon a time..
when we use to walk down the block with your hand in mine..
I loved you unconditionally yes boy its true..
but now im sitting here looking stupid not knowing what to do
you say you burned your pimp card but you never did..
and i actually thought of having your kid
its ashame that things ended this way...
i love you so much and you went astray..
maybe one day you’ll find that girl
she’ll be the apple of your eyes.. the center of your world
but until then i have to say good bye..
This lost love.. has fallen to the sky

your love is like & the response

your love is like your love is like the best thing that ever happened for me Your love is like french vanilla dunkin donuts coffee your love is like 1 billion dollars but its not about the money is what u taught me your love is like the reallest feeling I ever felt your love is like butter pecan icecream it a never melt your love is so narly is what a white girl would say your love is like the 6:00 Greyhound to New York and I’m on my way I love you Zaire Sincerely your Nasir

I’m missing you like crazy knowing its my fault your not here id be listening to your heart beat your warm breath on my ear You’d be holding me tightly and holding me close. I think thats the part im missing the most I wish you here April 17th cant come fast enough Ima kidnapp you forever with some handcuffs I’ll make love to you again like I did last time we’ll fall into the sun your hand holding mine You’ll kiss me down my spine as my dreams go south Day dreaming now of you eating me out Just like shorty im bleeding on love baby you got me open im your hand your my glove Nothing you wouldnt do to uplift my world im missing you like crazy u made my toes curl im amazed how one person can make me feel what ive been getting from multiple who cant keep it real Your love is so genuine your love is so sincere thats why forever we’ll be Zaire and Nasir.

lol u should read this one.

Yup you was thinking it..
and i was thinking it too
look me in my eyes
and say you dont want to?
I laugh cuz I recognize your tricks and the lil games you play
its sweet cuz I smile and laugh just the same
Saying all the things to make me want you again
but thats not your goal... Cuz were suppose to be "friends"
how long were you waiting since Feb 29th,
to hug me and hold me that tight?
and if we so wrong why’d that hug feel so right
you dont know how i wished for your body at night
and it wasnt just the sex it was you being there
it was me listening to your heartbeat
and feeling that you cared
it was my arms around you
and our legs intertwined
it was our fingers interlocked
your lips kissing mine
and both of us looking timid
holding on to the past
both of us wishing..
a part of it had last.
Yup I saw you thinking it
I was thinking it too..
then I laughed cuz I turned into you

I respect your gangsta
I respect your game
laughing the whole time knowin we one inda same
You played the shit outta me...
and i commend you for that
shyt my friends said it too
you thought about every lie and fact! lmao.. smh
I know you dont want me to..
but its okay im past it

So if you had the chance
to ask me and hear the response you wanted..
would you ask me, be happy and flaunt it?
Would you keep me next to your heart
kiss my lips like u wanted to?
how bout if i said i wanted you to?
and I know what your thinking..
"yea okay.. you running game"
But what if i said i wasnt.
would your response be the same?
We both did our dirt..
so really who’s to blame
Ive been waiting to pour my heart out to you
and rekindle that old flame
I was waiting for you to tell me you still cared
after I pushed you away, that you wanted to be there
I guess you werent the only one waiting since Feb29th
I loved you with all my life

I forgot what exactly I said..
I just remember the conversation was dead
I wanted you back again
Yup even then.. . .
We were fun when we were fun..
(I know you know what that means dont gil me lol)
maybe its for the best?
Because I love you
and well.. for you.
theres something about me and love in the same sentence..
lol.. its not that fucked up.
Maybe we should try our luck?

If God gave you a second chance would you take it?
If you had my heart again would you break it?
You can tell me if you want..
knowing you you probably will..
But what if we said "I want you still" ?
What if I made love to you tonight and made you say my name
Like I said.. I’m past it your not the one to blame..
Cuz the truth is my love.. we’re really one of the same.

So what you think of my poem honey?

well if nothing else.. at least I got my Midol

"I never deleted your number out of my phone book" I deleted yours but the change never took.. You stopped and you paused and you said " I love you". and there my mind went. I hit play back and it said "I want you". And I remembered a time when you said baby shh I’ll do the work. And i fell with you under me into a sunrise so serene and the night’s sky turned to day and with that last breath on the love we made I hoped and prayed that forever we’d stay, that we’d be okay. And when I snapped back to reality you were still sitting in front of me. Holding my hand with hopeful eyes like wehn you were my man. And in just that moment I began to understand that I should never go down that road with you again. But how can I listen to my mind if my heart is being ignored? And does it ever heal when its still yours? What is the purpose of two people loving each other holding affections of a sister and brother? When I know deep inside theres a part of you there that wished for what I wished for you to be where? And I know deep inside of me that I wont change, because just like you I’ve become addicted to the game. So whats left is whatever whats right. Idk, but I hope I see you tonight.

time to listen to your heart

Voices are constantly whispering in my head..
The wind is blowing over my cold body its dead..
The sunlight is dancing on my skin its warm
Then scorches my body like a old man watchin porn
My mind has fallin in and out of my brain
Superego, id, ego.. they’re all acting the same
My consciousness wont listen
My unconscious mind is picking at my heart
Do you know what happens when you pick at a tree’s bark?
it DIES
because even the tiniest bit of the mightiest tree
still needs every branch, root, and every leaf
and when you picked at the tiniest bit of me
it affected every root every branch cant you see?
Im dying slowly
out of controllably
don't act like you know me
just console me

DeCAPPitATEd

You staring at my blog now wondering what she’s gonna talk about
Did she kill someone again, is she mad at a friend? Is this another angry love poem once again

?

My body is running loose and wild, so much that its not my style
I’ll tell you how
It sleeps when it wants to
does what it wishes
For desire it fishes..
It eats as it pleases with the slighest bit of sense
Its expanding its demanding
its simply outta control

The world around me is in flames and burning on my soul
The moral reasoning is everything but bold
where have my morals gone?
where is my heart off to now?
Superego, damn.. dont act holyer than thou
Its kinda foul
What to do now?

And the CAPP report is screaming you havent done shit
wait no thats a lie, you did a little bit
enough to get by your treading on your dreams
Dr.Morales said.. are you artistic? do you know what that means?
and its seems that I do but im still searching for the truth
who am I. What is my purpose, what am I here to do?
Zaire Williams. To live, then die
God said.. so wait Im living so I can end up dead?
Yup.. but in the mean time help people out.. find out about love
what is it all about.

And

When I did someone said amor vincit omnnia,
love conqures all things
yes this its true.. but it doesnt conqure all pains
and no one talked about all the heartache that it brings
leaving yourself so vournable amounts to open veins

My BUS... i dedicate this one to u boo..

You wanted my heart so I's put mah metro card in..
I let it swipe two dollars off.. but shyt I had an unlimited anyways
So now you got me in the seat closest to you
And you smiling at me in your rear view mirror.. all nice an sweet sir..
And i just smiles back lookin at you.. looking outside looking at the peoples gettin on and off..
And Sir.. I say to you, Im not quite sure where my stop is.. this aint my area will you let me know it come?
And you says to me.. I dont watchu to eva get off pretty miss.. but Ima warn you now this bus im driving goin down some pretty dangerous roads..
I can get you to your destination though unless you'd prefer another bus.. or hell.. anotha bus driver then.
So I says to you.. well Mister I may not know these parts to well but Ima pretty intelligent gal. I's done pretty well for myself thus far. think I'll know when the time comes for my stop, but if you can get me to my destination then I think i's stay on until things dont look like they fixen my way no mo.

And at that point I looked him into his eyes real real deep
Saw the color they are.. but he aint know I saw his colors too
And while looking into the windows of his song and soul
I peeped my whole future of me riding on this bus..
folks getting off.. and folks gettin on.. and folks getting off
I sees myself getting off too..
I just know it wont be no time too soon.. Cuz I'ma pretty patient gal
but i dont like no mess.. if it aint too kosher now
My only one dilema is that I have an unlimited metro card..
that lets me ride unlimited buses.. to unlimited destinations..
Only for a limited amount of time
So what happens when my card expires sir?
Can you provide me with a transfer? Will I have to walk till my feet are weary?
Or you gonna keep me safe on your bus till I reach my destination?

Hmm.. You said. Well sense you fixed on cheatin on me you don made your bed its time you lie in.. Its okay sir cuz I dun wrong my bell like a lady, got off through the front exit and just wait at the bus stop. I might wait for a long long time, but I know with patience there'll be a new bus coming to take me to my destination. I's just be sure I get on the right bus next time.

two worlds apart

two worlds apart you got my heart so now what it do?
You tellin me I got yours but i cant except chu
And if I love you till the day I die
God is going to ask me eventually..
How could you believe in him if you believed in me

We two worlds apart..
are we too worlds apart too?
cuz you mugged me for my heart so now what it do?
When you asked me if I love you I said I do
But you know your gonna see the day when we're through
You set me up withcha seed
dipset when I bleed
But you there when I need..
does that over look ya bad deeds?

And our worlds come together when we come at night
sweat dripping on each other aint it a sight?
breathing deeper till our heart beats are one
Your asking me how much longer
I say till your done
and you hold me through the night because I'm yours
And I let you hold me and don't think about your flaws
Cuz if i truly loved you they wouldn't be flaws to me
they'd be the deeper pieces in you I just don't like to see

So what if I can respect you and take you as you is
but what about when we have our kids
How are they gonna live in two worlds apart?
You talkin shyt and ima say don't start
You smoking outside and ima tell them don't do that
Ima say dont touch those while you show em how to use your gat?
They gonna watch some shyt from you and do it too
and when I whip that ass they gonna say "but that's what daddy do!"

Baby you my heart so how can I not accept you?
Does that mean I have to accept your evils too?
DO I SIT IN SILENCE THROUGH OUT MY WHOLE LIFE
just for the comfort of your arms being around me at night?
For the love that you bring to me to ease my fears
for us to be together the rest of our years?

You change for me and I change for WHO?
my morals my life my exception... YOU
That means ima have to change too....
Its an idea that needs to be reviewed
and I cant hold you here if you dont want to stay
I cant lay with you if you dont want to lay
You know the game but I dont like to play
And you telling me ima play it anyway
whether I like it or not that's just what it is...

You say I don't accept you for who you are
I say you don't care who I am
you'll impose your lifestyle on me one way or another
Aint shit I can do as long as we lovers
and then you look at me and say..
well what chu sayin then?

shyt aint no nigga like the one i got..

I'm feelin Jay right now.. just like im feeling myself
This nigga knew he had me and started testing my wealth
I held him down inside and out upside and down
He'd rock a nigga's jaw who'd make frown
Give u that two hit combo, put u in your place
Hit one yall meet hit two the ground meet ur face
And although all the pain he put me through cant be erased
For him my heart always holds that space.
Shyt it got his name written all over it
its his,
Remember back in the day we talked about kids
But it was rigged before we even started
Cuz when we were together he started actin heartless
Otha chicks callin his cell, while the shyt is in my name
they ass was all slides but all them did he claim and its a shame
cuz now I cant let him go
and his breath runs though my body and he dont even know
and his heart beat matches mines and he dont even know
Let us beef let us chill, just dont disrespect our flow
cuz i told him I believe a fourth of his truth
till he matures and his mental is out the youth
till he retires from the game we do what we suppose too
aint a nigga like the one i got, now feel me boo...
Cuz the pipe game is SERIOUS i kept that shyt quiet
knowin otha chicks would wanna try it
and im selfish shyt i cant deny it but I let him do him and come back home when he tired.
And i go out, cuz he's not enough anymore to fulfill my needs
but shyt when he's not around I feel like my soul bleeds
and when were making love I taste the sweat beads
runnin down his face take it any place anyway we please
and when i see his face my mouth goes quiet
but if it don't sound to kosher, I wont buy it
Still he'll be that nigga for life, stained in my life that even bleach couldn't get out
And I love him through and through today and forever without a doubt.

music through my life

BUMP my ipod to:

"If I could take it back I would.."
Rewind..
I would.. rewind to the times when it was all good..
Hold up: rewind to the times when it was all hood..
wearin throw backs like you should
With all white nikes if you could
Keepin the checks fresh if you would
To match with everything looking good ->GO

My stereo is playin.. "If I could go.. con-tigo"
See cuz there was a time when time had no time in my life
when every moment you'd look into his eyes and
every moment your sweaty hands met you took in strife
and every land or distant sand felt kinda nice
cuz it felt the same you'd smile when you say his name but
sometimes times changes the way we see things and
in my eyes today he's still a king but
not the same way he was yesterday so I'm

Listenin to my CD Playa
HOLD up:
lets go back to a time when rhyme saved my life when
common sense wasn't that common since I was..
comin down the block hours late on Parsons
knowin there was an ass whippen on the otha side of the door
waiting>>
for me! and the only expression I had left was lyrically
couldn't say it literally, if my emotions got the best of me
to be thrown out on the streets. NO
Patience
my motha had to have for me
respectively>>
i diss-respected. me?

Flip the cassette to... "This is how we do it!!!"
back to a time when we use to say cheese
purposely said achoo when you sneezed
Your right foot left in the air when you freezed
Watchin Fresh Prince in the 90's
Wearin overalls to living room big floor tv
with the antenna with a hanga to keep the picture fuzz free
and the electric slide was ready at any family gathering

Rewind..
Put the needle on my record to: "La La La La La La La La La means I love you"
Yes its true the Delphonics knew, and they made a song for you
When only a few years ago mama and daddy thought of making you
And a few years lata you'd sing the song too
requesting it like it was your number one record when
you stayed out of grown folks bizness and
you were seen and not herd but herd all the words
but was afraid of the belt
when you heard the icecream truck and you'd melt
and life was all too simple

Rewind to the time when my wind wasn't in existence
id be like Mary J. in my life reminiscing

proceeding with caution

hey mista...

do you have a girl cuz i think u kinda fly
and i wanna kno if ur open cuz i might be kinda bi
and if your open are you awoken cuz i might dilate your eye
cuz my intellect allows me to free away from the shy
Ness and less is more when it comes to expressing the feelings
of the daily things when sharing dreams seems to complicate things
and it means following the same routines
and feins act like gold diggas looking for bling bling
and diamond rings, shiny thangs, as if it aint the same to me
material things cant travel to heaven with me so
I just ask for your love and affection
an occasional errection
an occasional detection of when
sensative times of the month show their presence like
whiteness popping up unda the skin
with a circleling circumfrence of dirth thats within
circuling emotions spreading tension round the room
can you handle the truth?
would you know what do if?
I gave you the time of day and you had a moment of my time
would you stimulate my mind?
make me say rewind
pause, then play in that order?
would you respect that yes I am someone's daughter?
could you aid my heart and break my wounded soul
if you had that control?
nah chill dont get too bold..
mista still..
im giving you the eye
I might give you a try
proceeding with caution i wont lie..

the samsung blast..

if i die before i wake
all my secrets my phone shall take
theyll say oh shit she was promiscuous
and oh damn she didnt have a man but
then again she was still in love with darren
and then had a picture up of Sam
and 3 male names reoccuring in her inbox
naked pictures of fox
and the memory card would reveal more lies
and if deeper the folders you'd go youd see more guys
and if you simply treaded the surface youd see 2 songs
from the one who made he heart sung
and made it bleed within 24 hours
youd see a phonebook with probably 24 cowards who
walked out her life and walked in again cuz they couldnt get it right
and you might see that she loved to text looking at the worn keys of plastic stretched
and youd see she loved music had a love for even that
she loved the colors red and black but
seeing her aim screen name would tell you that
Youd see that she loved her kids and how she recorded the things they did
And I ask you father if I die before I wake
I pray my phone too,
with me I can take

my bottomless pit of reality

I was pondering why my heart bleeds
while my soul quenches the taste of salty tears,
a taste acquired through the years
while I embrace life seconds of grains embrace my fears
like an hour glass spilling the unconscious secret of time
the motion to murder myself
weapon of choice?

my mind. Unlocking pieces no one would want to see.
The extricate is a black part of me.
And while I am honest and innocent in my youth
Ive lived for him and the unlimited possibilities he could do
and the limited possibilities our lives could take
and kept pushing on when the possibilities proved fake.
When my limitations shower the vision of no infrastructure
the power of love with no lover
the innocence of youth without sin

the presence of pain without bestowed wisdom.
and while I can only began again where Ive left off
off left I
where again
Ive begin.
Only to fall back in the circle of death that we call sin.
To give in
to the flesh the mind body and call for my soul
watching blackness and death slowly taking control.


And yet, the extricate is still a part of me but for all the faces I have
my eyes can still not yet see
and my ears refuse the pulsing vibrations of benevolent truth.
I was a diamond turned coal in my youth
so seek the proof
someone told me im so black that i piss oil
i laughed he missed cuttin ass on my black soil
my rareness a deity of value and design
fresh from the garden of Eden at its time
constantly thirsty for meals of my mind
so the time Ive spent falling
you've misunderstood my flight
and if you see tears...they'll be poems by the end of the night
I'm done seeking the world and its fools

in my bottomless pit of reality there's so much left to do.

think ill stay in florida

nineteen years of this and whats the use?

these walls are closing in on me inflicting abuse
of noisy neighbors and nosy mothers and
distant lovers and
people that simply just don't give a damn
why do I even bother than
Ive stopped trying to make sense of it
Cuz I flipped it around and
turned it upside down and
looked inside out but
either angle i analyzed it ~ it came out to be the same
all of your "feelings" was just running game
So if it made me happy at the moment should I feel ashamed?
Wait u tellin me I should feel ashamed of happiness?
Okay lets leave it at ignorance is bliss
and when you love sometimes you miss and
some other cliche lines that rhymes with kiss
and diss, but like Ray J I still want my one wish

Unstrap my heart from the bomb ticking
3..
seconds and my second chance has gown to waste
my soul is flying out to space
my eyes just saw all they've seen before
life flashin before my tongue tasting blood raw
swallowing hard like that lump in the back of ya throat
when she blew me hard with some words she spoke
it started with a startling knock on the wall
Then slowly my eyes began to bawl...
the blank expression on my face soon followed
the gap between my ears completely hollow

2..
seconds and two sides of a penny couldn't help me choose
heads or tails if in the end I still loose
(smh..) but my bomb is still ticking and her mouth is still running
Niagra, Mississippi, Nile, couldn't
compare to hers..

1..
second left and a millisecond of breath
inhale exhale into the next..
life, bride, mother, wife all denied your life
(lmao) saying your last minute prayers aint getting you nowhere
cuz your witness is in heaven
and he witnessed all your sin
but then again..
if it means anything why not give it a try
Because all you have left really is to say good bye!!!

i told him i'm ready...

i told him im ready...

i told im im ready...
he said you ready for what?
i said what you think?
he said.. if i knew that i wouldnt be asking you..
so what are you ready for?

I thought..
Nigga im ready for the world.. Im ready for the flashing lights of New York City the magic boat rides around the island.. im ready for a new relaxer a fresh style and im ready for no more drama in my life.. im ready for you to act like you need a wife.. im ready for the next semester and all the joy and the pain.. im ready to look in your eyes and slow dance in the rain. im ready to feel the shower of God put its preacious blessings on my face while his plan takes over my heart and space. im ready for my life to be meaningful and abundant. im ready to appreciate what i have and learn to want it. im ready to let go of people who dont matter to me. im ready to let go of hatred, lies, deception and jealousy. im ready to work my ass of and get that 4.0 im ready to work my brain off and get low. im ready to work out get those abs looking tight. im ready to have someone hold me through the night. im ready to start my own club on campus. im ready to bring historical things back like a wolly mathus.. im ready to be the perfect grad school applicant. little did i know just how selective.. they can be. so i thought about what it all means to me.. using a psychology degree for clinical practice must be taking seriously.. no more tabu or bullshyting around. its time to lay the marble on the ground. im ready to write more million dollar songs.. im ready to do anything that my heart desires.. im ready to be the match to light your fire. just as gently ill be a wind to blow it out. and the warm sunlight to reflect about. im ready for hours of love making im ready for that envogue type soul shaking.. im ready to worry about the things that matter and throw my middle finger up to those that dont. im ready to do the things that she wont. im ready to be the best that i can be..

but instead i just said..

im ready to do me

how can we dream??

if there were words to describe...

you told me that i was once the queen to your empire so serene and it crumbled into a latent dream. For what it seems you want to fall back asleep and dream the reality we could have. A love that has never expired a love that has never retired but been recycled by plenty. the two faded memories going through each other and never touching are coming closer and closer with each year month week day then second of time. Can you see the vision and invision what I have in mind? And I wonder.. because no matter how strong the attraction may be to someone else I always find myself back where I started again before I started high school before I starred I mean co-starred with you. Before I started feeling what feeling in love with you could feel like; but at the time- no our timing was never right. Before I thought we could do well if I gave it all my might. But the truth was you put in all the efforts at the time you could and I put in all my love that you knew I would. And the time capsule that has held it all so dear has been the fate sealer of Shawn and Zaire. Timeless it seems our love was made to be by God so that in time we could understand the true meaning of love. And you ask me when do we start building our empire? Feeling our hands interlock fingers, your breath on my jaw line your eyes piercing through my soul your arms redefinding what comfort and security is on my body simultanously miles away from me knowing that right now you really can invision the dream into reality. But how can we dream when I'm fully awaken. When most others would describe me as taken. When fantasizing about you would be thoughts wispered by Satan because infidelity is constantly betraying... the promise I made. And how do we dream when you cant stay asleep long enough to leave her not so forbidden flesh fresh and so sweet that has you hard as concreate and a signed contract in sweat cum and blood running a debt while draining my love. and the whispers in the darkness of wanting to make love and the sheets soaking up all the sweat and the comforter kissing layers of comfort into dreams of this moment holding onto to forever with a grip of eternity the power I didnt have but you gave to me. As if each preacious moment wasnt as preacious a moment to both of us, as if we could interchangibly call each other's bluff; How can we dream our life to reality... When this reality seems like nothing but an unreal dream..

no time for games i leave that to lames...

my heart is telling me to run while i still have a chance.. my optimistic side is stuck in this trance and my head is saying this isn't making sense... wondering when did things get like this? did it actually happen or is it just me. stuck in a silent mime of insecurities.. if he wanted to hurt me he did a damn good job. feel like he deserted me and left me to a mob of ninjas dressed in silver at full throttle n ill be thinking of someone else by tomorrow.. but in the mean time i mean in between time he started a sentence with no ending.. like lies that have no real begining and if five months is all it takes to go back in time ill be the first to press play on her rewind. ill rewind to the one two three memories we had and ill subtract the month of feeling glad and ill add in the conversation we had today and ill press play for you to find a new way in ga.. crying a lonely tear on a dry cheek.. i guess it is that type of week

no time for games i leave that to lames..
busy dreaming away my shames

misty is the name i gave the lump in my throat..now say by misty no more tears to wrote

love is another word for series of moments

Feel it swell up inside.. the moisture can not abide the feeling that coincides. i try... to hold on to it but its overwhelming me its power is threatening.. my chest is shivering- damn its cold inside. is that where the icebox still resides? i feel so effed up but i cant lie im trying to deny that i have feelings for someone else. maybe if you werent miles away it would help. holding on to this tear drop as if its dear life, impacted or changed feelings of strife.. playin mary in my head no im not gonna cry- im so sorry ill try; yet its not that your not worth my tears.. its just that ive been through this back and forth bullshyt for years. the dry cheek is getting moist, im loosing my voice if it exposes itself what will people think? wait rewind i dont care what people think. damn i want a drink.. but the unconsciousness my brain would feel wont mask the hurt simply displace it for a few hours and in a few hours i must come up with a decision a newly written provision for us to start our lives together-

...

or apart. do you remember where it all started? the pomonok center you walked up to me open hearted. i remember being a young girl in the bathroom with you showing me your birthmark.. that little white speck on your skin so rich and dark. you had hair back then.. lol it was much longer than mine and i remember how we went upstairs and you ranted and raved how i was fine. i feel it growing bigger in me now.. insecurites take a bow cuz you have shined so brightly on my stage of love. next to you, there is no one and only God is above. under you, there are many.. i mean yes i have been talkin to plenty and no i havent given them what i have given to you.. my world my desires the completed half of my dream season II. it starts off with me being the perfect picture in a frame my mother hangs on her wall unit, and some candy painted walls. the taste is so sweet no honey; im talking about your lips. im fighten this feeling even harder simply thinking about your kiss. every day you tell me how much you miss how much i miss how much we could do this... i believe it. yet in the same time i feel like im making the biggest mistake of my life, how do i know im ment to be your wife? a decision im not ready to make for consequences im willing to take. throw me on at 360 and just let me bake.. i want to see your smile for every day that i wake....

My baby.. i cant forsake. how do i make this decision? its tearin me up inside and my heart wont cry but the guitar will, my friends are tellin me to take it a day at a time and just chill but i dont have the heart in me to cheat and i dont have the stomach to handle the beat- of murderer.. you dont deserve that and neither does he but i cant seem to format the perfect picture of we. we wasnt all that picture perfect when he came in the picture but we wasnt this close to just wither... you gave me your heart and your trusting me with it i gave you my word and we was peaches and herb and peaches and cream and in georgia south florida peach is a theme and i wish this was a dream i could wake up from.. still up at 3:24 my breath is getting numb.

i thought maybe me and him are fate, me and you are great and love will take its way.. but i was told love is another word for series of moments..

diversity off the dome

diversity.. my university.. i define it as fighting the urge in me to say "damn thats gay"

or to look at a white man and try to think a new way.. remembering my people's enslavement and the mental abuse that we suffer from today.

its embracing the carribean and african words they say.. like muda soccaa and ima box cha face

its smelling that sweet plattsburgh air saying damn this is great. or riding the Q17 from town to town in queens I gotta go from the blacks indians and then the chinese

its seeing someone who is less fortunate than i am.. seing someone who cant do the things i can

and not calling them retarded..

or seeing someone wearing less expensive clothes than me and still being openly hearted

its looking at a man and not critizing him for being a chovinistic pig.. a pimp or a grown man still actin like a got damn kid

its looking at myself in the mirror and seeing Gods reflection in my features.. its knowing ignorance is not bliss.. and not saying I dont give a fuck eitha..

at the end of all that effort..

Olive oil hair cream
the cup container is green
that sits on my dresser making my hair silky smooth
softness to improve
my hair just for you
fighting black hours of kinky hair
In a few minutes you'll be here
with a flat iron asked to do miracles
That reversing effect for vehicles


maybe its maybeline...
that touches on my lips
sparkles for each kiss
shine for each diss
longer last for each wish

REVLON on my nails
that would otherwise look so pail
but instead they reflect the light
hoping you could see my true reflection..

Foundation??
no.. I don't cover my face,
use clean and clear instead to get the pimples erased

Eyeshadow..
well it is a first date

Mascara
hope he doesn't make me cry..
But the longer lashes are whats fly

This outfit doesn't show the beauty that's inside..
Say the right things tonight?
I'll try..

Earrings??
These ones match my accessories perfect
White bag White pumps white earrings to go with it

keys, wallet, ipod- all in the bag
door locked, wait dag.. I forgot my winterfresh
breath check: clean, might need some after dinner

"this wasn't the way I planned.. Not my intentions" - oh that's my ring tone
HELLO? - HAPPILY
I JUST LEFT..-GLADLY
oh...-silently
maybe some other time- distraughtly.

so you’re darren’s next victim?

so you're darren's next victim?

VICTIM?

who the hell called me that? six months.. now give me an applause for that. I sat and I looked at the text I received, poor girl knowing her heart bleeds. She's not bleeding on love she's bleeding on hope. But too bad she doesnt know her love is a joke. Too bad I dont have a heart to tell her. What I know about the bullshit he'd sell her. Victim. now doesnt that imply sufferage? Like how did she know about the things he did? She didnt.. she simply went off of what she knew, her chances she probably blew for a demanding yet pleasing screw. The bond- numerous times will be reviewed and renewed. Lies, manipulation will be chewed, swallowed and digested. Victim.. daiting abuse turned domestic. Academic probation, social humilation, mental visitation, cant balance the equation

Of you and I anymore.

NEXT?
no sweetheart, try last. Maybe I'm thinking to fast.. Next would imply a line I've gotten on again. She approached me as if she was a friend. No loyalty to me, no loyalty to he- her only loyalty to the revenge I wanted with deceit. Next?? Wouldnt that imply no knowledge of my past, the traumatizing dreams that forever last of hiding running and escaping his ass on campus, cramp us- in a 26 hundred student radius. only to bump into him the next time and the NEXT??

Darren's??
Now who the hell said that. popostrophe s. No, there is no ownership here. No slavery again for Zaire. Not for someone who couldnt care wouldnt dare to make an effort for gain. I had my share of pain. and not moving on would be insane. what is this girl talking about???

ARE YOU TWO TOGETHER???
was her very next text. I laughed at the fact she thought I was next. But she didnt understand my text. I only replied to her that she should ask him and I could have said we are only friends.. if you use the term VERY losely. But excuse me. Nope its none of my business except that she put me in it. did i ask to be involved. For your insecure feelings to be resolved? SMH its a damn shame. Never would I have shown a lack of security in my spot as number one. Girls two and three can be a lil extra fun. looking through his phone for something you dont want to find, and being dumb enough to stay cuz love still has you blind. REWIND, no please fast forward again. If you dont trust your man its probably for a good reason then.

LAME ASS DUDES.. (I GOT IT IN FOR U)

get out my face
get out space
I aint got no time to waste

please...
believe..
breathe..

I aint got time to fit ya needs

to worry about your pleads

not cha band-aid to stop ya bleed... in

when you in need of a friend

begin... cut you off too quickly!

you thought u was cute but i move to swiftly
I told you no once before sent me a text that you miss me
Miss me..Miss me... now you gotta... kiss me
but I pick the spot,
If I was you...
I'd would probably pick not
not the type to pick pot
pickin the perfect picture to pick the new watch to tick tock
my waist...
throw it to the back then throw it to ya face
checkin my myspace
but you amateur at it like you still gotta trace
cant draw your own lines
cant write your own rhymes
stuck on the daily news cant read the Times
with age aintchu suppose to get wise?
remind me of a McDonald's fry
your similar to a million..
and in the back there's a billion
and in my city a trillion.. gazillion times by Et Cetera
lame ass dudes always tryna get the best of her
dick and some lines aint got nothin to offer
cant pick nuthin off my body and say thats what i brought for her

Shakin... My... Head...

*in my bestest white voice*
And the part that makes me laugh the most is that those lame ass dudes that try to boast that they got mad chicken heads cluckin at their cars cuz their rims spin and then their heads spin ooops wait.. she left some cum on her chin! Deny themselves the right to have some real substance like a real eruption combustion contained in the incinerator he's a urinator.. yes but aren't we all? except his problem is that at night he bawls no he does not ball he bawls because those crabs they crawl... ALLL OVER aint it a shameeeeee??? he got the CLAP.. from some shawty that made it CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP... she made it CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP and he said: aye yay yay.. dutty wine remix time killa wit de wine she kill'd me wit her wine its crab crawlin time a dutty yay.. but anyway back to other matters at hand in the hood "gangsters" and wanna be thugs commonly use phrases like what it do? whats up? whats hood? whats good? good? if I give you the finger for being so got damn rude for doing the things you do and how you approach me? No sir, I wouldn't be your project chick your bust it baby your sideline bitch or your dick sucking ho NO you can not make it rain on me and if you attempt to like Dave Chappelle im gonna piss on you. So do what you do and put on for who ever you need too matter fact take off the mask cuz your see through believe you? I'd decapitate myself first watch my family follow my hearse then dig up my own grave still using nigger like you somebody's got damn slave.. wait i forgot you are, just the slave they hold today. aye bay bay did you notice that those same people that who enslaved your people flew over your people ignored your people still hurt your people wont help your people till three days later people you give all your money too for killing your people by the same people who created people to make the things that will blind your ignorant ass people.. to one day say those were the people.. that existed. luckily there's more substance to me so

please...
Believe..
breathe..

i aint got time to fit ya needs

to worry about your pleads

not cha band-aid to stop ya bleed... in

if you in need of a friend then think again. SMH

*commercial break*
McDonald's fries..
Mad preservatives and otha fake ass shyt that doesn't last
and when the hot oil hitchu got damn you burn fast
you only take three minutes cuz you dont last
YOU ASS
put chu in a small box
and pay 99 cent for em..
and if someone wanted, put a blood ketchup red tint to em..
then throw you out and watch the waste basket kkk basket IN YO FACE BASKET swing back in forth saying = ]

THANK YOU

lookin at ya pictures is what i do...

damn I'm so frustrated with this we've been talking since Feb still waiting for that first kiss that first time to reminiscence of all people I didn't think we'd end like this. they say ignorance is bliss but Ive been ignorant long enough time after argument I'm calling out ya bluff...saying fuck it.. I don't need him in my life fuck him... and my dreams of being wife. but with all the profanity i just cursed myself what hurts the most is u aint recognize my wealth and the bullshyt I'm dealt in my sleep calling out for your help

they are words spoken on deaf ears.. you was a magician damn near hoodinied my fears. and i remembered a time you told me you would be there to help me with anything i need whatever it be

so i developed this type of dependency looking for independence not to be free but to just be without you... and still exist. yet every day without you my heart does miss -the part of we- that special part of me that would co-exist so instead of wondering why i feel like this.. i lay in bed looking at your pictures

I look at your pictures i look at your pictures laying in bed still looking at your pictures....i look at your pictures

they burn a hole through my eyes its been long enough time to unmask the disguise

short CUT to fame

cut throat cut throat cut throat cut neck
she cut her wrist one time damnation to heck
she was ready throw away her life she'd be all set
no problems to struggle through life with no regrets
Names she carved in her skin names she hated to see
names she constantly heard started to believe
names other than what she was named
cut throat cut throat cut throat her shortcut to fame

she wasnt asked out by dudes even though they were lames
she wasnt asked to chill cuz she aint dress the same
she wasnt asked her number no need to exchange
no verbal linguistics like she was outta range
her mouth was always going her thoughts could not be contained
her only time allowed to speak could she free her brain
so in class they always went over about 15 mins and change
she coulda used an umbrella for her internal rain
but threw an S on her chest mussled up despite the strain
but no friends not even an associate did she contain

She listened to Evanescene while waiting onda E train
this guy in her class came from behind and stole her chain
he punched her in her jaw thought she was going insane
until the blood started trickling salvation army jacket stained

pounding lasting for hours and no one would help
pounding lasting for hours he took off his bealt
Pounding lasting for hours what felt like years
as he started to rape her pounding out her tears
their coward eyes watched what he did
looked in shock but still let him continue wit'it
vision of reality struck by lightings of truth
pounding lasting for hours feet from the token booth

body bruised sore cut up and scraped
soul battered spirit crumbled by rape
Lord said he wouldnt give me more than what I could take
but if the devil's throwin a line im takin da bate
lookin in the mirror all she sees is hate
she walks in the kitchen lookin for a way to escape
no food in the frigerator but nothin has she ate
searchin through garbages to maintain her weight

chemicals.. matches flame.. to painful
bullet in the junk draw.. to aimful
overdoes on pills.. nah thats to shameful
She takes a knife and returns to the bathroom
says to her reflection "do what you must do"
her reflection then steps out of the mirror
choking on her voice with a knife she feared her

cut throat cut throat cut throat cut neck
woulda never guessed how the stories connect
her mom came home that night just finished her double shift
grocery bags in both hands with some liquorish..
it was her daughter's favorite candy became her nick name
cut throat cut throat cut throat her shortcut to fame
the long road woulda took some more years at school
in due to time she woulda learned being herself is cool
the game of life can be played when you have your own rules

as for the boy that decided to rape her
he had crush on her but still decided to take her
she was so intelligent he felt inferior
had he not been high might thought more clearer
in classes he always sat on the right near to her
his destiny is jail now for the semen smeared on her

"cut throat cut throat cut throat cut neck"
to the 14 year old girl, now all set
no belly to feed no worries behind
no lonliness to drift no being left out by dimes
no guys to make fun or not try to put up lines
cuz the dog face they said she had wasnt worth the time

cut throat cut throat cut throat cut neck
cut throat cut throat cut throat cut neck
she cut her wrist one time damnation to heck
she threw away her life she'd be all set
no problems to struggle through life with no regrets
Names she carved in her skin names she finally believed
named the smartest girl in school unlimited she coulda achieved
cut throat cut throat cut throat her shortcut to fame
now "cut throat" is her new nickname
"we're sorry cut-throat" says the plaque for all of her pain.

fighting thoughts of suicide...

Fighting thoughts of suicide…..

Hurt is the emotion anger the verb.
I can't fathom these words so absurd.
Your not making sense the part that's a shame
you've fucked over and over again and I'm the one to blame
our liability of work, not a damn thing's changed
But you can't find the time so instead we're rearranged
and while my fingertips sweat my vast number of complaints
on plastic keys Centro begging me please
Fight those thoughts of suicide.

And while memories are tormenting my brain of years wasted
Compensated in exchange
for hours of sex on my heart has been stained
Able I was
and now I've been Cained
Nails digging deep graves all over my veins
Brown flesh turned red raised and bloodstained
Box cutter in my organizer tormenting my brain
Saying you want to use me
for all those years in vain
for the revolving doormat
you have been claimed
He wasn't too busy that night when he came
or overnight when you stayed but a simple hello
was a thought way to frayed
and now a shaking body is all you left to gain
So why fight these thoughts of suicide?

Razor, knifes, pillows, a bag full of belts.
Midol, Motrin, Antibiotics what else?
Three outgoing calls with no answer to save me from myself…
While fighting these thoughts of suicide

so instead on my own two feet I stand
I look in the mirror with the tears that began
and I say "I love you", I will hold your hand...

while your fighting these thoughts of suicide

number of deaths ive lived

Ive died a thousand times in one night
shed a million tears with no light
not a glimmer from a lamp or a flicker from candle
has helped this distressed damsel
nor a word of encouragement
a promise of revenge
has belittled the promiscuous memories I cringe

For my life has ended the day before yesterday
For my mother's life I have chosen to stay
A ghostly spirit caught between two worlds...
Living hell while present on earth
My mind has rewinded to emasculate my birth
because last night I lied a lonely lay
I prayed that the center of my life would stay
I crumbled at the defeat of play
my life story shoved in my face

whispers of I love yous
kisses with promises
pillow talk of having kids
biceps that held me tightly
that night I died, he watched me pail so whitely
impale my heart
preserved my lungs
my ancestry soul on maple tree hung
Pain replaced blood through my veins
Embalmer fluid inside me he came

Yet whats not alive cannot give birth
and that part lonelies me the most
Stripped me from my smile
Raped me of my joy
Beat the love out of me
Robbed me of my boy

and while I've fallen on only a hundred knives
I've almost became only a hundred wives
I've dwelled in an infinite amount of cries
and spoon feed just about a trillion lies
saw my life flash about only twice
I've already died a thousand times in one night

dont ever get to comfortable...

he's gotten to comfortable, and now im uncomfortable enough to leave
For all the lies attitude and deciet he's concieved
I've never given birth to reality fallen trees that no one has been near to hear by the forest.
But somehow we skipped our verses went straight to the chorus...
And now im ready for the break...
I need a key change to get out this range of F minor..
They use to be side by side and his effort fell behind her...
So when he doesnt call
And they dont speak
and he calls her emotional sensative and weak
an escape from the invisible prision is what she seeks

Prisoner of Love...

From the moment I wake up as the sunlight hits my face and rapes me of dreams
Those rays that invade my eyelids and provide the warmth of life only his smile could provide thoughts of him invade inside like an infectious disease aiming to please every unspoken desire... I am captivated.

Those long talks during late hours when my mind has become weary my body come what may when his soothing voice asks me how was my day from those sweet honey lips to angelic fingertips that caress threw the flesh but reach for my soul while my body he holds my future unfold his truth be told he's in control... and
I am his prisoner.

I walk handcuffed scars on my wrist from arguments of this time he didnt do that and that time when I spazzed back and jealously and doubt that scared me throughout his heart I try to mend my back he tries to bend from the insecurities we share despite how much we may care the heartache and dispair that confines me to graffiti walls steel bars and an orange jump suite... caught in hot persuit

of wanting to run him the fuck over. instead i chose closer and when my emotions got the best of me called my cell id out for all the other inmates to hear. he said it clearly i wasnt going anywhere that my sentence was life my crime being wife and despite the aggrivation complication domestication confescation of my heart mind and soul the thought of losing him is a pain i wont behold.

For I am love's prisoner.

I do as love says and not as love do.
I am a wretched prisoner not deemed worthy of you
yet the nourishment you provide from that gleem in his eyes is sweeter than any cake I've ever tasted.
Any fear I've had you've raped it
And with being love's prisoner, I submit myself to isolation from other in-mates, mates? mates who are... trying to get in. Not dropping the soap watching closely whose my friends not making enemies.. and being bad as hell...
I dont want time off for good behavior... in my despiration love is my savior.
I fit in with the others around me my face tatooed with aggrivation frustration from my spouse.. the girls chatting in circles trying to figure out.. (why all of their man's seem so dumb sometimes..) how threatening to break up is equivalent to a pointed 9... when they all confess of their time in the big house, the things that went wrong those things that went right the times that time that time was all night
and how love tells you after a fight it will be alright.
As honesty comforts me in sillouetts of companionship trust and devotion...
I open my heart
Slam the cell
Lock the cuffs
And throw away the key...
I am a prisoner of Love and I never want to be free.

and athletes are incapable of love...

The fury of anger I felt when you went "away"
that status I did not appreciate you turning your back on me in your never ending hatred of Z. I wonder what the hell were doing, why this inferno inside me is still brewing, why instead of homework im renewing the lines that you typed too vividly in my mind so cold they stopped time until the day after tomorrow...
so hollow, i see your true soul my heart unfolds the aches and pains and deadly things ive already attempted I'm already demented why push my insanity further???
When the only thing I want to do is set this bitch on fire, my desire? WAS you. But a phonecall in the day just to say whatup followed by a I'll try back later and a hmm.. let me say good night means im light then you hold no weight as a nigga worth my date. my tears come out blue, they use to run red but that ruby chick fell dead in her attempts to fall in love with someone who fell in hate for her. I wonder.

as I imagine myself throwing every monitor ripping every rubber cord with my bare hands in this computer lab knocking every bookcase over to burry my nausiated feelings of inflatuation with someone who fell in hatred of me. His steady hatred for Z... I dont understand. Maybe I have to be a man to know what its like to want to spend the rest of your life with someone yet never call, to comprehend what its like the get a phone call while you ball to fabricate feelings of undigested emotion and regertitate them because they werent allowed time to cook, I call that love poisioning.. it was a recipe in your cookbook.

simultanously.. as tears cover my face bloodshot eyes disgrace the cheeks that once smiled when i heard his name the hips that switched as he watched my frame the corney things id say he'd tell me were lame or the reason i stay in interest of fame (nigga please ill have my own) i cant contain these feelings of hatred directed at me i cant mirror these images of death reflected at Z and if i could id show him so he could see, the sucicidal mess he created of me.

and when we came to an agreement that he would call more and reiterate every now and then how much he does adore and last for a while when i would let him score and break for a few before i asked for more and the path of greatness.. it took a detour so im not so sure why were together anymore...

so after advice and trying twice to be nice and couragegous about it knowing he'd push me away further deliberating our relationship murder and yet ive been an acompliss this whole time. for every athlete theirs a dyme maybe some quater pieces too but you know what i say.. do whatchu do because when fame and youth and health go away and you cant wipe your ass anymore so someone else you pay they slide food under your door on a plastic tray and three little words are all you live to say.. i woulda been the one say them.

but fuck it he told me thats what happens when you date an athlete...

and athletes are incapable of love.