the last thing

(One poem then I PROMISE I'm going back to my hw)

I tasted your lips in the winter time they were waxed of blistex
wet from your tongue sweet like a dagger grimised with revenge
I took out my arm, exposed my flesh pulling back cotton sleeves with veins facing you
But you bit me.

I remained frozen while your venium has consistently cooled my heart
I've melted into this person who you despise
relives kindled memories from your lethal words the night before
And dwells in stupidity--idol with you, to be subject for more
of course people stay for love
when love is the last thing they do.

I've stitched mended pieces and found some weaving glue
to tape along the tracks in the back
of my head that replayed your lethal words the night before
cutting the red meat under my tongue with Central American blades

You'd prefer me silent without simple emotions.
And new friends are like an equilibrium of our demise (for both of us)
showing the missing variables where contempt has failed
I hold on to the beautiful memories in civics and hondas that were fondled with
fondled with
fondled with sinful blessings...
But of course we stay for love
when love is the last thing we do.

Its like you never knew me

AND Today of all days when Jesus gave us a miracle,
saved me from myself-- you decide to sacrifice yourself
to hide from the pain of shed tears.
As if I'm the type of woman that would take pride in seeing you suffer
Must of had me confused with another but, it's like you never knew me

Or heard my stories of abandonment and abuse when life took its coldest days
upon my forehead.. left for dead, families estranged when the only common
denominator was the blood and dna in our veins, but you thought you were funny
telling me to never call you back again. How could you dead me when,
you were suppose to know me better?

AND Today of all days when I wanted you closest,
to comfort my concerns and troubled voices screaming across my eyelids
of you with her and her and you and someone else too that had nothing to
do with me... Consistently, I've loved you abundantly-- I couldn't give you all of me
But its like you never knew me.

Cuz if you did you would have knew better than
to say the things that he said before you
and refrain from complementing me when someone else is trying to do it for you
and not played with my feelings knowing they were scarce to begin with
and NEVER talked to her, since you was on to your NEXT bitch
and would have kissed me just a little bit longer....

Cuz the Monarch butterfly that I once was
retreated in her cocoon of fine silk after seeing a caterpillar smushed
I taped up pieces I found to love you
and danced in the rain when there were no more pieces left
I've already died my excruciating deaths, so no baby
that part is just left for me and the world to humanly coexist
because without it, I'm just a heartless vessel riding the world of its
pure ignorance
and hating babies from dope feen mothers despite their innocents...
but then again, its not like you ever really knew me.

Worth the risk

I remember a time when I thought fairy tales existed
you were it, provoking dreams in my daily thoughts when sunlight
would dribble on my face thighs and hips remaining dark
against my moon and sun
you licked that place where I'd have your son, after I gave your daughter
in water, natural like her mother's most beautiful element.
But today I stand in front of another failed relationship
And all I could think is that, you were worth the risk.

I remember this afternoon when I packed up a tee I used to sniff myself to sleep
a Ralph Lauren polo you came to visit me in and brought me your banana and cashews
I remember bubble baths in the bathroom
and rolling over to find wild Pokemon intertwined in my legs
threatening me, with each conflicting action, if you'd really stay
and today
while my heart is bleeding, veins open tears drawn over my soft face
I contemplate, were you really worth the risk?

Of going raw, doctor's visits I let slide, and asked but you never came
to stay by my side to test what was left, although it felt so right
I felt you to be apart of my future. I knew that the treatments, from you, that I loved you enough to stay with the incurable: were definitely worth the risk.

Your name is tatted on my heart and you've etched an outline of crimson roses
where others have left their marks. Bruises bleed silently within me asking me why
I bother--when I already know what are the risks.