Doubtful

I feel like I'm choking and dying inside.
And from the screams I have no where to hide
Clear my conscious of the turmoil
I wasn't meant to equip
But if I held on little tighter
Would not have given myself so quick
I tell you its the little things that matter the most
And I only receive your sexual boast
I've turned my back to move away
From inconsistencies you gave today...

Summer showers

I'm not heart broken
Love was a road we straddled
And deserted
Like passing summer showers
Pointless ...
But if I'm too believe there's a reason for everything then my season must be coming soon
You mirrored the sights I wish unseen

And I ate each one alone without help
But I'm not heart broken
My pride wounded
Ego sour
Teeth sucked
Eyes rolled
If again ....

The after hurt more in the beginning
Theres open scabs on a wound
I've gained too many times
Someone did the favor
Of breaking my heart already
Tore it apart....
And I'm left with shattered peices
That can't be fixed
To attempt to love again ...
But I'm not heart broken
Love was a road we strattled and deserted
Both feet firmly to the ground

Breathe with me

The gentle breeze kisses me
Sweetly like the squeeze on my knee
When I've relinquished control
Gentle is the kiss on my forehead
That sends a quiver to my spine
And every vertebra from behind
Loving is the sunshine
That dances into sunset
And under moonlight Id stand by you

Holding no regrets
My beauty is reflected
In your eyes I'm trapped paralized
Without a means to escape
I fall pray to hide
Under your arms
Your heartbeat sings to my soul
Breathing deeply into my river
I left a drink just for you

teaspoon neurotic

I'm frightened by the shadows
and hurt by their whispers
somebody once said
the truth hurts
and I've stumbled in the alleys
found my way out of stairwells
Came up from an eternity of drowned tears
But I'm frightened by the shadows

Afraid the whispers I heard might actually be true
Facing myself was the biggest battle I ever won
Slashes to prove my battle wounds
I am capable of victory

but in the pit of me
bones of skeletons thrive through me freely
if no one else knew
I'm scared of lonely and petrified of heartbreak
that love may be true love
completed by self sacrifice and escape
that I may fall prisoner again
steel bars confine
my mind
of painful memories
both past and present
ugly and beautiful
I could only have a slice of my soul left
to share with you

I'm an endangered species that hides out
of the light
away from the sun
and avoids windows and mirrors at all cost
But the warmth of human affection
eradicates my obsession
in dwindling away all that was won
I cant expect you to rescue me
while I rescue me from myself

I sit at my alter with bible and sunflower and chamomile tea to sip silently
with a teaspoon of neurotic and splenda for sweetness to taste

To you, for me

I had a moment in the inbetween
I fantisized a lullaby of strung
Hopes and dreams
Reflected in your eyes
Was everything I ever knew I deserved
And nothing I knew I needed
But I hesitated
Swift steps are sure to prove heartbreaks
Insecurity and faith often leap together
And I am no different
Persistence
That overwhelms my heart and mind
Like a dagger under my fingertips
Ive reached out and let my hand go
With nothing but a cool breeze
Left to echo my assumptions
If you must win....
The hands of time may rewind to intact that which was once broken
If I let hope in
Ive double stiched reason into broken seams
Where your withdrawal has hurt me deeply
And I would be your refuge from all storm
It would be easier to never feel
When im never sure how much you feel is real...

Eternal dance

We danced on cobble stone streets
In the month of june
May whispers on my shoulder
In the streets of Morocco
But merengue blazed
On the street corner
Pouring the sounds of salsa
From dim lit windows
Laughter carried
In a language native not mine

And my hips moved festively
Quick! Quick! Turn! Dip!
Tilted my head curls praying backwards
In your arms I belong
Body close but your presence
Invading me slowly

And you step quickly
But whisper slow
We spun into infinity
A sweet night in Morocco

Before the calm

You seem like heaven
And I'm afraid to die today
Who says heaven doesn't have
A storm or two before the calm
Where pink clouds should last

Who said
I should fall from shakey ledges
And spread my arms peacefully
Because the sound of your voice
Sings to my soul so consistently

With deep eyes
Freed lies and wonders of our yesterday
I would send you light-years into our destined future
Finger tips dancing on my spine under your green moons

The break of daylight
The sun would shy away always
Jealous of our morning  song
And goodnight goodbyes

That he may provide eternal shelter
That I wont put my trust in you
He baptized me by the nile river in the morning
As soon as the sun cried for spring may bloom

You seem like heaven
I shouldn't be ready to die so soon

Fellows my generations

I feel like I can't breathe
Your hands tiny reaching out to me
Destined to believe
That you can be
The sand beneath my feet
Im at the soul of a younger generation
bleeding love, their desperate for dedication
A population that wont turn their back
On my high need children

Broken homes
We cracked threw stones
I can see my baby girl holding on
And im reaching out to you
Tell me all that I can do?
To enable your wings when your ready to fly

Your little tiny hands begging for more
Eyes hungry
Fist deprived
Im thirsty to feed my knowledge to your eyes
It only takes one vote
To save a man's life
from prison
I've unshackled your wrist
Poured in you educational freedom

I wish not
Beg for your time or attention
Never been good at kissing asses
Watching you moon me often
Im in the drivers seat
A car behind you in silence
Switching lanes holding my breath
Avoiding the mess of collision
And unions.... you pumped
Your breaks
Early....

Swearving fast
I paid my toll to cross your bridge
It seems your low on gas
Signal to the right
Exit to the left
And beyonce sung you the rest

This journey between us is greeting death But my destination Isnt retreating yet

Hear me

I may not speak to you outloud
My voice is numb
And my breath small
Provoke my privilege to speak
Hear me
In my poems

That I may be baptized again
By margins and sattle stiched seams
A pen on white paper
I snort the blue lines
Inbetween
By a key pad
Blog page
And thoughts of my own
In the darkness of my heart
I sat by your thrown

I've brought you to earth
To hear our conversation
Yelled at you and questioned my suffering
Knowing you can deliver me from anything
I just ask that you hear me.

I close my eyes and we sit face to face
And when I'm enough christian you brought me out of that place to show me I'm beautiful despite a rose from concrete. You showed the panties of a coward through rhymes and prose and we passed that bridge when we got there.

Still waters
I've fit them and worn them well
Like holes that grow odor
Horrific to smell
But you can still hear me
I choose not to speak
Linger idlely between satin sheets
On a sunday Bethany baptist wont see me
My steps are fractured
My words like hazards
Metaphorical blasphemy
Did I speak?

Its just a simple poem....
I know you can hear me

Last one

It was the story of a champion
You lose some you win some
But where's the glory in a double edged sword
When you lose the respect of all you worked hard to raise forward.

She glorified you
Raised your name to the clouds
That parted silver linings on her crown daily
She prayed for your welfare
And worked for your pleasure
That her labour may bring to pass
Least both you suffer.

You were her super hero
And the tear in her eyes
That she was told you'd be the last one to tell a lie.
She glorified you
Raised your name to the clouds
That parted silver linings on her crown daily.
You shared blood and broke bread
Raised fist upon her head
But there was only love and frustration
Dedicated to the aggrevation
That with her labour,
Least both you suffer.

You were the last one to touch her
Count not she prayed her mother
That her flesh and blood
Be so eager
To fulfil a well within her
Hallow by sin.
You were the last one
To touch her again..

If I could talk to God face to face
I'd thank him for every tear that I cried
A hug for every laugh I've gained
And thank him for the peace his name brings

I would listen to his word closely with my heart
And sit at his feet
Thanking him for unconditionally loving me
The snacks I've snuck from the tree of life,
I would thank him for prolonging my insight
That my father may let me down
Prince may throw stone
But his love lies gracefully by the margin of my poem
Silent footsteps that delivered me through grace
I would freeze the moment we could speak face to face

Truth inside

The truth inside
If I showed what must be hide
If I confess
The mess within me
That I choose to not fall intimately

Keep you at a distance three paces back
That I may not be harmed from malicious attacks
Truth inside...
Dwells a lullaby
Searching for a secret place to hide.

And all I've ever wanted was to be accepted
Unconditionally loved and respected
That consistency even when times are hectic
That I can one day say I do
Instead of saying I won't

Because I dont see him yet
And in fear I'll regret saying too much
Being too blunt
That he might simply loose traditional interest in his haunt

So I graze in the sunshine by myself
So we dont have to throw up grassblades from the truth inside

two o'clock blues

Its the life of a time when the night takes your mind
I'm ready and fine
but I wish not resign.
At two forty two

I feel you........

Your inflictions within my veins
And angels praying in the Genesis...
if I didn't know better, you are my darkest nemesis
I invented this
So I have the immunization...
I paid my dues and disabled the time it took to take one

Fool

And catch him by the toe...
I wouldn't rise above the cause for the sake of tomorrow
I dare not lie in cave
With father close to grave
Wine by his side to incase a son
or Sarah being passed to the Egyptians
if it was my luck... my Isaac'd be slung
With a blessing left and a lamb
Hiding silently on both knees knelt by a tree
was the same angel that cried when you took it
Privately
I'd maintain the right to be a Christian
And pray for forgiveness my past inflections
That my past and deadly ghost may not haunt my Genesis
and the Proverbs will bring me peace
Psalms, tranquility of still waters
And a Revelation I can wake up from.

Fit Em and Wear Em

You never know someone else's problems in life
Where they've been or where they're going
The paths of their veins can only be
temporarily
showing
in the coldest of winter
and the hottest of sun
But never underestimate
if the battle is won
I could give birth to you
you'd be the hottest of son
wondering what you deserved
and why none of its come.
There was a time in my life
none of which was fun
that I depended on my cup
to release the demons I hung
Fighting toe to toe
with lies jealousy and hate
depicting a future when
attempting suicide could escape
counting "this is it" moments
with deep breaths as intervals
how many times in my life have I requested
it's a go?
When I can hold
on to
materialistic values,
prices for promiscuity ropes and towels
hope I have you
tied to my destiny
because my reflection
doesn't recognize this disguise on me
Who recently had a run in with the law last week
Particularly
a misdemeanor second degree
you can finger print
finger
and then come book with me
Never will I forget
the comfort that beget
on knowing there was something
worth more I haven't met
than orange inmate-tation vans
I could have kept
on my feet
if he didn't see more to me
purposely
I'm still here to fight a battle
but win the war with me
taking steps to greatness
to depend
on
please
cop me my right size
before sunrise
thicker thighs than brown eyes
will never again
compromise
the value of shoe laces
every step is a decision
to watch when you make it

Finding a moment's peace
In the moments when I was pleased
to be young and innocent
Virgin-tile by my knees
to sit in Payless ready for new school shoes
instructions for life
in the steps that they do
Fit Em and Wear em
Ready for the right size
Not to purchase them to big
and make sure its the right price
to
Fit Em and Wear Em

The Worst of

Yo:
DaDaDaDaDaDA
Un Huh
DaDaDaDaDA
Un Huh
DaDaDA
Un Huh

That's the least of my problems
feeding fire to your anger
actin like that's gonna solve them
What's blazing on your chest
Got you sticking out your breast
But sooner than later I shall translate
all the rest

DaDaDaDaDaDA
Un Huh
DaDaDada
Un HUH
Dadadada
Umm...

Let me confess
what's on my mind is so much greater
than the drama you contest
It's never ending so demeaning to all my prosperity; yes!
Soul defeating but what's the reason to entertain
the nonsense?
If my mission was a vision that I dreamt of last night
A simple primonision of the tight ropes in life
I could deal without the insecurities and crockadile tears for the night
When my only sole thought
is how to regain my life.

Dadadada
Un Huh
Dadadadada
Un Huh
Dadadadada
Mmmmm....

Silence on the receiver
But honestly the lack of speech seems to be
that what keeps her

cold breaths going through telephone polls
with nothing to say nothing more to hold

Meaningless conversation