Immunity to Pain

Walk a path in the darkness with Psalm 23 by your side
Hoping and praying things might end differently tonight
On top, instead of under the scrotum
thinking carefully of your words and how you choose to hold em'
But it doesn't seem likely that you entertain the thought too long
you hold on; to an immunity to pain.

I'd pay for that kind of injection
for every ounce of rejection or painful reflection
my ego chose to evade... To not ever be phased.
That love maybe present but Zaire's not quite there yet with needle in right hand
bible on the left
I walk swiftly in the shadow of death—I fear no evil
I hear no evil
I see no evil
I fear no evil
But still I fear being a slave to relentless heartache.
Like a swarm of flies to honey, I can't escape.

Reluctant to vulnerable reactions love won't let me contain.
Scars went away but on my heart remained stained.
Losing the ability to love without the immunity to disease
Never giving a F-U-C-K celibate on both knees. There was a time I love you
was more than a three letter expression.
But love is like HIV killing antibodies I can't resurrect them
killing antibodies that won't ever be replaced
and its dormant stage inside of me is inevitable to escape.

Does immunity do that? Or take me back before the insanity?

Black people have thick skin as it is... Searching for that gene I was told I'm born with
And life has been to cruel these past few years
that death has become something I've witness too often.
Yet not quite desensitized from viewing my coffin.
Nor resisting to hop in

I have a long list of pain, in vain-not worthy of my tears.
Truthfully...
There's nothing anyone else could do to me,
that I haven't done worst to myself.
So remaining unfelt in an attempt to stay away
Keep my heart at bay and quietly cry with the lights on,
immune system of a child didn't seem so wrong.

I say I love you and wonder if there's anything left to love you with?
I can find your love, you can find my love
but I wonder if you'll stay when you finally seek it
or would I spread my disease of a painful past?
Lacking the immunity to gracefully embrace
a world where a painful past can simply be erased?

Waiting for my immunity before the disease takes the world over completely.