Beautiful atrocity

I imagined
a trampoline in my dreams
I jumped asked how high
and returned within record times.

Encased in a safety net, I saw
the limits around me
with great regret that I could jump.. but never fall.
In my wake I thought about it all.
Each heart racing breath pacing moment to live, maybe die for.

But it's me you'll learn to kill for.  Denied that each time I sacrificed
a slice of myself in a rhyme
I felt enraged by my crimes.
I was the mockingbird and caged bird that broke free.
I was the very beginnings of everything that's wrong with me.

But I've fell in love with each imperfect quality.
I've cherished and kept hidden, cared but said fuck it in my duality. Finally, seeing what resides in me: something presently beautiful-equal in it's atrocity.

The cycle of moving on

Denial...

My heart raced in my stomach in every monumental moment
I woke waiting to sleep
Nauseous, avoiding to eat,
Palms sweaty why am I stalking? I'm not ready to face the truth on the other side
I'll take door number two and hide from whatever I thought we had.
We didn't get a chance to progress from the mess that you messed us up. I went to hell and back torching myself in thoughts of you. Threw up a time or two as the tears flea my eyes driving in blurred light to find my cool

Anger..
Expecting the unexpected, images of your smile resurrected in my mind
I keyed your car and popped all four tires. What the fuck gave you the right to try her? Then deny her the right to any explanation? Knife in the glove department and I'm contemplating the worth--the risk... Enough of this shit. You think you smoove but nigga I'm like butter. I wasn't going to give you a chance because I said you're young...and you're older than me. Maybe you talk to the Lord more and don't feel what I see. But a coward is a coward in any shade of day. Hide behind the curtain you hokus pokus nigga hoping I'd go away. Not until I get what I came for...

Acceptance
Avoidance? Annoyance? Disappointment? I'm disappointed that you were not man enough to simply tell the truth
You Chillen but I'm cold to my soul and I'll let you know if the day comes when one day I'd say aloud I have abandonment issues. I'm not sure there's a heaven but I damn sure believe in hell. And the pit you crawled out of and the desperation I felt in the cycle of moving on. I've been strong. Test the theory, you never thought of me. Compared me, not ready to share me, but place me to the side just the same. And the hurt your ex caused you wasn't quite the same. So in this moment it's you not me, and I'm not the one to blame.

I pray for peace, and I pray for me and that there will be a day come soon, when you're just another faded memory. Because it's time to move on.