suicide note burned..

I love you all so much, but you would never understand. I love you so much but you would never feel it from where I am. You would say my feelings aren't justified, my actions unreasonable. You would say the things I aspire are feasible. You would take the weight off my shoulders by the tons if you could, and do the same for you- God damn, I would.

Tonight when the world is too much to bare and I whispered a prayer- he gave me an angel again. Sephia photograph under street lights with a kiss so warm hell might freeze over. I rolled over, and recycled my thoughts, my wants and became grateful. I love you all so much and you still don't understand exactly who I am. Ima take a second and clue you in. The streets are on fire tonight. Yes Lupe, death is on the tip of my tongue but danger is some where else deep within the depths of my mind.

Maybe its a sign?

A foreshadowing event of something that constantly feels relentless. But if any of this is going to mean more than just the bullshyt that I've dealt with then I've gotta play the cards I'm dealt and renigg every now and then. Struggling with thoughts of suicide cant compromise the faith that has been restored by promises he's given for his everlasting life
whispered and beaten into my heart.
whispered and beaten into my heart
for as a black child I've had the fear of God
whispered and beaten into my heart
and the fear of my mother
beaten into my ass

but the fear of myself has been a fear I just cant escape. Writing poem and facebook notes to compensate for the foolish actions I'm too coward to do. And in just about a month, I'll be so ready too.
And deep within the depths of my soul a troubled mind fights for everlasting control of the evils the devil lies but cries golden tears in a pathway to damnation. Silver strings and platinum things are shiny but not wonderful. I'm sad but still hopeful that my fingertips will heal their burns as the emotional scars linger forever more in my father's house. He'll cry out and accept me for my existence, appearance, resistance, and turbulence.

So I guess it doesn't make a damn if my name is your Listerine. A barren queen because what is dead can not give life and its alright because
I love you all so much and know you would never understand.

I love you so much but you would never feel it from where I am.
Instead, you feel your burdens, your strength
and I carry your tons along with my own.
The liar has been dethroned.
and suicide note burned.